Modern relationships can be a mixed bag: family and friends may make unreasonable demands on your time and energy; business associates may support you one day and stab you in the back the next; while romantic partners may reinforce your love for them one day, only to use emotional blackmail to force you in a direction you’d rather not move.
From “In a relationship” to “It’s complicated”, relationships today bear little resemblance to those from a generation or two ago. Today, relationships of all types are more tenuous than in the past, and people seem fine with ending them at a moment’s notice. Often, at the first sign of problems, either or both parties involved seem all too willing to end a relationship.
This is true not just of romantic relationships, but of business, friendships, and family relationships, as well.
You Set the Terms of Every Relationship
The key to building lasting relationships is this: you set the terms of every relationship in your life.
While this may sound selfish, when you take this premise to its logical extreme, you’ll see that it’s not. After all, why would you work to build a relationship from which you receive little or no support? Why would anyone want to be in a relationship from which they receive nothing from you?
In fact, we all strive to create relationships like this, we simply refuse to admit it or accept it consciously. If you receive no benefit from having an individual as a friend, what’s the point of trying to be a good pal? If your fellow employees work to undermine your position, why would you trust and show loyalty toward them? If your life partner saps you of emotional energy and betrays you in any way, where is it written that you must stay and suffer such abuse? And, why would anyone else encourage you to do so?
Quality Relationships Must be Values-Based
Lasting relationships are built on the recognition of shared values, and a commitment to uphold those values with and for each other. Truly, if your partner does not share your values, you literally have no foundation for building a relationship that will endure over time. There are four foundational values upon which you can begin, build, and foster mutually beneficial relationships:
- Honesty – Lack of trust is the surest way to kill any relationship. And, since it’s virtually impossible to regain trust once it’s been betrayed, protecting yourself from dishonest people requires that you abandon them before they can betray you again.
- Loyalty – It’s more than OK for you to expect that friends, family, and lovers will “Have your back”. It’s a requirement of an equally fulfilling relationship. Anyone who puts you at risk, physically or emotionally, is NOT your friend and should be dropped like a hot potato.
- Integrity – It was once written that “Integrity is honesty in action”. This means that behavior matters, regardless of intention. Promises of honesty, loyalty, and fidelity mean nothing if one’s actions do not support them. In this case, YOU determine the behaviors that are acceptable in those to whom you devote your own allegiance.
- Respect – Implicit in the first three values on this list is the respect required for you to both demand and offer these characteristics to all of those in your immediate circle: friends, family, business associates, and your life partner.
The problem with modern relationships, and the reason for their fleeting nature, is that we have largely abandoned the concept of shared values. In an “anything goes” culture like we have today, where most people pay mere lip-service to qualities like honesty, loyalty, integrity, and respect, it has become virtually impossible have relationships that matter – or last.
The good news is… You attract who you are – including the values you reflect. Be the best possible version of you, and you will meet your best possible match.
Learn how to do that by working with a Wealth Attraction coach. Send me a note if you’re interested in exploring the opportunity.